wears pants with button flies because it makes you work harder for the pee
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Greetings from a Bus Driver Who is also a Spiritual Advisor
Welcome kindred spirits and namaste. I accept you as part of my journey.
I hope this day of your life finds you in a good place mentally and physically. Eventually, it will find you in Cleveland. I hope that doesn't put shades of indigo and black in your aura. I'm only kidding, I love Cleveland.
As we depart from our destination, please make note that with every ending there is a new beginning. For some this may not be the life they had imagined themselves leading. It so rarely is. This is why it is so important that you take in your surroundings and live for the moment. Enjoy the little things in life for these are the heaven's gifts to you. That is precisely why in two hours we will stop at an Arbys. Present your bus ticket to the cashier and you will get any large combo meal for the price of a medium.
Time is a silly thing we hyper-focus on as humans. We create deadlines and wear watches on our wrists to remind us of this constant pressure. Time should follow us, not the other way around. We have somehow taken advantage of the sun's brilliance and it has lost its luster. As the moon approaches, we sigh with relief that the day has come to an end. And come the next day, we will just repeat this torturous cycle over again. Our spirits are forever moving and should be treated as thus. Time is not our captor. In the event that you are still consumed by time, we'll probably be arriving in 4 and a half hours, traffic and weather permitting.
No matter what you believe, be it Islam, Judaism, Christianity, what have you, we are all constantly searching for life's true meaning. Will we ever be able to answer the question as to why we are here? Why were we chosen to experience things like love and laughter? While on the subject of laughter, the Ben Stiller blockbuster comedy Night at the Museum will be starting shortly. If you wish to watch, simply plug your headphones into the headphone jack on the back of the seat in front of you. Then turn to channel 2.
You may use your cell phone at any time but please try to keep the conversation to a minimum. It can be a distraction while driving. Plus, I'm trying to listen to my GPS and channel Krishna so I don't need any more voices in my head.
There is a bathroom in the back of this bus. Should you need any help at all, press the Emergency button above the toilet and start to speak in tongues. There is also hand sanitizer provided as a courtesy to you.
Thank you for riding with us today and please don't talk to me again. I've just consumed a Big Gulp of Sprite and will be in a tantric state so as to keep the urine in my bladder from collecting. This prevents unnecessary pit stops.