Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Onion..part 2?

A while ago I sent an application to The Onion to be a freelance writer (see earlier post-oh wait..no one reads this, fuck it).  I got one of those, currently there are no job automatic responses and thought that was it.  Earlier today I got an email from them asking me to submit some more material.  So now, without further ado, material...I wrote and chose not to send to them because I didn't like it as much as some of the other material I wrote. Hurray!

Warning: These aren't good.  They are bad.  Some of them awful.  Many incomplete. That's why they are here, on my blog that no one reads, instead of in the letter to The Onion that maybe one person will read.

People in small town create cars for birds and shit on them.

Rabbi beats Pope in race, tells him to “Suck it”

Halo character takes wrong type of headshot, becomes actor.

Zoo has first bipolar bear

Plaster model of Rush Limbaugh’s left breast on display  (I didn't finish this one..but the very sentence made me laugh)

Prepubescent PMS becomes epidemic in Daycare School.

Walmart Now Selling Jesus Blow Up Doll

Jesus returns to fulfill prophesy, but is too fascinated by corndogs to do anything

Pope invited to Israel, Spends whole day making Matzah Ball jokes

el shittay.

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