Monday, June 1, 2009

My Letter to The Onion

To put it simply, I have no previous writing experiences.  My tabula is rasa.  I, like every other college graduate, have spent four years studying to get stuck in that limbo of trying to find a job, while not having the 2+ years experience necessary to have a job.  I have no real insight or status within the industry, though if you were to google my name, you will find an elderly gentleman who resembles one part Falcon, one part Priest, and all part salt and peppery goodness.  He can pull off a blazer like the very best of them and I can only hope that when I am his age, I too can model sweaters for a talent agency out of Colorado.  The air is so crisp there.

            So why should you even bother reading this?  Truth be told, I haven’t a clue.  But assuming I still have you with me, which might be a big assumption, I figured I’d share some of my ideas. 

 

Man Learns Sign Language with Audio Tape

 

Youth in Asia Refuse Euthanasia

 

Diabetic Woman Has SugarDaddy

 

Man takes Tylenol PMS to try and sleep but just stays awake complaining about how tender his breasts are.

 

Amoeba McEntire is discovered in a lab and deemed “world’s smallest singer.”

 

Oh how I do love the pun (I apologize for those.  It was a terrible, terrible decision on my part).  On a more serious note, I am looking to get into the business, and being a freelance writer for The Onion seems like a great place for me to get my start.  I recently graduated from the University of Wisconsin, and -- BLAH BLAH BLAH -- cunty stuff from there.

I like posts that simply require Copy and Paste.

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