April 18, 1775. Paul Revere makes his famous midnight ride along the countryside warning others of the oncoming British invasion:
"The British are coming! The British are coming! I was out taking a stroll because I am not a heavy sleeper, and Sarah was shuffling around too much in her sleep! I was already mad at her because she would not give me my usual 11:30 rubdown, as I am used to on Thursdays! Last Thursday she was feeling ill with a stomach flu, and I opted to pass on the weekly rubdown for I did not want vomit upon my shaft! So when this Thursday came, you can imagine my disdain when she told me she was feeling too tired and just wanted to go to sleep! I told her I had already poured the candle wax on my chest and that it would simply harden and go to waste! As I washed it off and headed to sleep, I was feeling quite angered! Her tossing and turning only made things worse, and my sexual frustration became too much for me to bear! A walk was necessary! I approached my horse and realized I did not tie a proper knot around his reigns! How could I have been so foolish! I reminded myself that this was a beautiful stallion, one which needs the utmost care! This and the small pieces of hardened candle wax on my chest which I had somehow missed made me more angered! I hopped on my horse and it was then I saw the British approaching!"
It is said that by the time Revere made it to the third town over, he collapsed due to lightheadedness. For brevity's sake, most historians simply shorten it to: "The British are coming! The British are coming!"
To be continued....
Hint: America wins the war