Monday, June 29, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
People in small town create cars for birds and shit on them.
Rabbi beats Pope in race, tells him to “Suck it”
Halo character takes wrong type of headshot, becomes actor.
Zoo has first bipolar bear
Plaster model of Rush Limbaugh’s left breast on display (I didn't finish this one..but the very sentence made me laugh)
Prepubescent PMS becomes epidemic in Daycare School.
Walmart Now Selling Jesus Blow Up Doll
Jesus returns to fulfill prophesy, but is too fascinated by corndogs to do anything
Pope invited to Israel, Spends whole day making Matzah Ball jokes
Monday, June 8, 2009
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Mission Statement: To Boldly Go Where Other People Have Gone Before And Managed To Be More Successful At Than Me
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
To put it simply, I have no previous writing experiences. My tabula is rasa. I, like every other college graduate, have spent four years studying to get stuck in that limbo of trying to find a job, while not having the 2+ years experience necessary to have a job. I have no real insight or status within the industry, though if you were to google my name, you will find an elderly gentleman who resembles one part Falcon, one part Priest, and all part salt and peppery goodness. He can pull off a blazer like the very best of them and I can only hope that when I am his age, I too can model sweaters for a talent agency out of Colorado. The air is so crisp there.
So why should you even bother reading this? Truth be told, I haven’t a clue. But assuming I still have you with me, which might be a big assumption, I figured I’d share some of my ideas.
Man Learns Sign Language with Audio Tape
Youth in Asia Refuse Euthanasia
Diabetic Woman Has SugarDaddy
Man takes Tylenol PMS to try and sleep but just stays awake complaining about how tender his breasts are.
Amoeba McEntire is discovered in a lab and deemed “world’s smallest singer.”
Oh how I do love the pun (I apologize for those. It was a terrible, terrible decision on my part). On a more serious note, I am looking to get into the business, and being a freelance writer for The Onion seems like a great place for me to get my start. I recently graduated from the University of Wisconsin, and -- BLAH BLAH BLAH -- cunty stuff from there.
I like posts that simply require Copy and Paste.