Thursday, May 28, 2009

Pick Up Lines

Do you like Whinnie the Pooh? Because I'll make you whinnie till you poo.

You don't look that Jewy to me.

You must be Jesus, because I want to nail you.

I've given six feline colonoscopies in my life.

Your eyes remind me of an ocean...if the ocean were brown and kind of resembled poop covered tree bark.

I want to wear your skin as a light winter jacket.

Name's Bondage.  James Bondage.

I don't understand sign language, but women seem to understand what my fingers are saying.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how excited are you that I've got coupons for Old Navy in my back pocket?

I've gotten the clap so many times if you were to put them together it would sound like a round of applause.  Interested?

I once killed a man for a wombat's feces.  When I made sure the man was dead, I threw away the feces.

If I were Sharon Stone, I would name my child Kidney.

I'm like Hailey's Comet, I come once every 75 years.

Did you know rhubarb is one of nature's most powerful laxatives?

True or False: Sex with me is like doing it with a Bengal Tiger on top of a mountain as chocolate pours from the clouds creating a foamy bed of desire with passion fruits creating passion beneath our bodies.

True.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Stupid Shit (alliteration)

I don't play sports.  I don't understand sports.  I don't enjoy sports.  But if I ever have a son, I will raise him to be a great football player.  He will be the all star player of the team, MVP, an all around powerhouse that will be virtually unstoppable.  

He will also be named Chlamydia.

As the opposing team gets ready for the big game, their coach will offer the only sound advice he can summon up.  "Boys, go out there and get Chlamydia!" 

No one will even approach him.

First post, done.